Have you ever felt trapped in an endless loop of “So, what do you do?” at social gatherings? Well, you are not alone. Ashley Kirsner has made it her mission to change that. That’s why she came up with Skip the Small Talk. What started as a simple Facebook event has grown into an eight-year-long movement transforming how people connect.
Kirsner’s journey began in a very unexpected place. “I was volunteering at a suicide hotline and I noticed something fascinating,” she recalls. “People weren’t calling because they lacked friends or loved ones. They were calling because they were uncomfortable being vulnerable with the people in their lives.”
That realization led to an idea: What if people could practice vulnerability in a low-stakes environment, like a vulnerability jam? Could they learn that being open isn’t as terrifying as it seems? Could they carry that skill into their daily lives?
Skip the Small Talk Founder Ashley Kirsner.
She then threw a Facebook event called Skip the Small Talk Dinner, expecting a handful of friends to show up. Instead, 50 tickets sold out weeks in advance. The event was supposed to last three hours but stretched into seven. At the night’s end people weren’t asking if she would do another one, but when. She promised herself she would keep hosting until people stopped showing up. Eight years later, they’re still coming.
The events are structured but relaxed. Guests check-in, grab a name tag, and start with a fun icebreaker question like: Which breakfast food best represents their personality, and they get their small talk out of the way upfront. Then they settle in with drinks and snacks, ready for something deeper with the use of question cards.
Kirsner has made sure that Skip the Small Talk events happen in places where food is an integral part of the experience. Bookstores with cafés, cozy breweries, and vibrant local eateries all serve as hosts. She believes this is essential for setting the right tone.
“I think people don’t realize how much food influences their mood and willingness to open up,” she says. “There’s something about sharing a meal that makes us feel safe. It makes us feel like we’re part of something.”
For years, pizza was the staple of Skip the Small Talk, but as the event evolved, so did the dining options. Now, the organization partners with vendors who offer a variety of dishes. In Boston, events take place at Trident Booksellers & Café, where guests can order pancakes at 7 p.m. In Rhode Island, a local Mexican restaurant provides flavorful street tacos. Each location adds its own culinary twist to the gathering, reinforcing the idea that breaking bread together builds connection.
“Some of our best gatherings have been at breweries where people can grab a beer and a plate of tacos from the stand next door,” Kirsner says. “Something about the casualness of it makes people feel at ease. It’s not a formal dinner party. It’s just people sharing food and stories.”
College campuses, too, have become a growing focus for Skip the Small Talk. Orientation events featuring Skip the Small Talk have been a hit, with Gen Z students reporting that they leave not only feeling connected, but more comfortable striking up conversations at other events. Kirsner has also been surprised at the demand in corporate settings, where team-building exercises have lacked for real emotional depth.
As Skip the Small Talk expands, Kirsner envisions the event becoming a household name, especially for people who move to new cities, start new jobs, or look to rebuild their social circles. She hopes to deepen partnerships with food venues, bringing even more diverse culinary experiences into the mix.
“There’s something powerful about sitting down with a plate of food and just talking,” she says. “It strips away the pressure. It reminds us that we’re all human.” One of the most touching stories, she recalls, was about a woman with PTSD who told Kirsner, ‘This is the first time I’ve socialized since my diagnosis where I actually felt safe.’ “That,” Kirsner says, “is why we do this.”
AUTHOR
I am Theodora Tsevas, a Greek-American writer and photographer with a deep appreciation for Mediterranean culture and more. My work revolves around exploring new destinations, savoring local cuisine, and conveying these experiences through my writing and photography.
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